Addicted
by Squiggy123
Summary: I know I deserve something more, something else, yet I keep coming back to him time after time. No matter what Malfoy does, I am addicted.
1. Chapter 1

Cold slim fingers pressing against my skin, gasps and moans echoing around the room. Just another night I tell myself, one more night and I will let go and stop coming back to him. His hands move faster more urgent against my clothes tugging and pulling. I know the motions; I act as though this is the first time that I still enjoy this. The truth is I can't let him go, he is my drug and I am his addict. He knows it. More tugging and moaning, I try and remember how this is supposed to feel, how I am supposed to feel. I can't even recall how this used to be, how I used to enjoy these nights. His blonde hair falls over his eyes but even that can't hide the cold cruel look in them. The unbridled wanting. My body moves against his, on auto pilot my hands move with his. I moan when I should and stay silent the rest of the time. He moans loudly I know he is already close, I feel nothing as he finishes. My eyes stray to his face where I used to find the most loving eyes. Now all I see is cold hard steel staring down at me, the want was even gone. There was nothing there, not a spec of emotion. The words pass my lips almost sounding robotic.

"I love you." He replies the same; we both lay there knowing it is all empty words. He falls asleep; I can hear his breath coming out in soft puffs. I look around the room slowly curling into myself. When had we become that couple we had always promised to never be? I stared out into the dark world until the heaviness of sleep forced my eyes closed.

When I wake up everything is the same. I open my eyes slowly praying that something, anything, could have changed. He is still asleep beside me and his breathing is slow and heavy, for a moment I find myself drawn to him again. His blonde hair is splayed across the pillow and his face finally looks at peace. I slide out of bed and slowly slip back into my clothes from the day before. None of the other boys even acknowledge me as I slowly slip out of their room. I hurry back to the girl's dorms, keeping my head low and not looking anyone in the eye. They all know what has happened.

As I reach my dorm room a horrible feeling washes over me that I know all too well. This knowing feeling of regret that I can't shake. Once in my room I stare at myself in the mirror for the moment. I see the bite marks up my neck, and the bruises slowly starting to form on my arms and legs. I know I deserve something more, something else, yet I keep coming back to him time after time. No matter what Malfoy does, I am addicted.


	2. Chapter 2

"Astoria." He says my name like it is poison, letting it slip off his tongue with a cold glare my way. I close my eyes for just a moment trying to will myself somewhere else, change everything around me. Yet when I open my eyes and look up I am just met with the cold silver of his eyes. My hands start to shake under the table so I clench them together. Our family is watching us with hawk like focus, our every move scrutinized.

"Yes dear?" My voice no longer even sounds like my own, it is meek and hollow. We continue speaking; talking about things that no one in this room even cares for just to fill the black void of silence surrounding us. I stare down at my plate trying to remember how I got here, trying to remember where it all had gone wrong.

He was sweet at first, caring and attentive. He took time out of his day just to be with me. This was far from the Malfoy that everyone spread lies about; that everyone tried to convince me was just a snake hiding in the grass. I was so naive and fell for his show. Everything changed so quickly though, in the blink of an eye his soft tender caress turned to cold hard jerks. It was no longer love but lust that filled his steely eyes. And yet foolishly I hung onto the hope of a change, it was like clinging to a sinking ship.

I became so attached; I need to feel him even in the harshest ways. After every night I told myself this was it, yet when the bruises would fade I would find myself in his room again. Now the men are speaking, I stare down into my lap tracing the lines of the bruise forming on my wrist. It matches his hand perfectly; he shows no care for me anymore. I am just his object, something else he owns and can control.

Soon we're alone again and he is looking at me with those ice cold eyes again. There is nothing human in the way he looks at me, he has become a monster. In an instant I am on the bed, I have learned to just let him go and wait it out. I wince and try not to make a sound as my head slams against the backboard. His movements are fast and harsh, giving me no pleasure anymore. When it is over he simply rolls away and I find myself staring at the ceiling trying to find a way out. Then I hear it, the soft rustling of sheets, his breath coming closer to me, and then his hand touching my arm. I grow tense; this is not the way this goes anymore. I slowly turn my head and am met with a pair of icy grey eyes looking… empty.

"Astoria." He says my name as though it is something new and foreign, like he never spat it out at me in anger before. It feels precious this time. He falls back and stares at the wall; I reach over and gently place my hand on his arm covering up the gruesome mark. I am at a loss for words, his anger seems gone, I stare at this man who has seemed so cold for so long and do not recognize him anymore.

"Draco." Then suddenly our world shifts again.


	3. Chapter 3

The loud cracks of apparition sounded in the Malfoy Manor, his head popped up and the moment was gone. I could see it in his eyes, the moment the shield fell down again. The ice and edge are back in his eyes as he stiffly pulls farther away from me. I barely moved as I watch him walk out the door again looking like his father. The room had a chill to it now; the shadows seemed to stretch across the floor like hands reaching out to steal me away from this place. I find myself wishing they would steal me away from this room. I looked across the room and saw myself in the mirror, pathetic and hollow looking. This is not me. I closed my eyes and willed myself to remember what I used to be like, what this used to be like. I tried to remember how being with someone was supposed to feel, how being happy was supposed to feel. I opened my eyes and stared at my reflection, making a decision. This was it; I had to tell him. I had to escape.

I rushed into the hall, walking quickly but quietly, afraid any loud sound would shatter the fragile state of my confidence. The halls twisted and wound around me, dark paintings loomed around me as my night robe flew out behind me. I quickly rushed down the stairs and skidded to a silent stop. I heard the sound of low mumbling voice slipped out the doors of the dining room. The stepped closer to the door, praying that this was all a mistake and it was not what I thought it was.

"My loyal followers I am glad to have you here tonight, we must discuss young Malfoy's mission." The blood in my veins instantly chilled. It was true. "And he has accepted to take the mark, this winter holiday."

Draco. I backed away slowly, all thoughts of proving myself slipping from my mind. Draco. I numbly walked back to his room, no our room, the words I heard echoing hollowly in my head. I shakily sat on the bed, trying to stop the tremors of fear running through my body. My hands were shaking and my eyes refused to focus on anything. The room around me swam a blur of deep blues and silvers. It all made sense. The sudden change to this cold cruel Malfoy, the desperate looks that plagued my dreams, I was so sure I had imagined it all. I hardly moved from the bed, trying to still my physical and mental shaking. That is when he came back.

I looked up into those silver eyes and all I saw was emptiness. I reached out taking his cold hand in mine, our fingers laced together in a pattern that was so second nature it was like breathing. In an instant I was pulled tight against him his arms crushing my small frame into his chest. I felt him start to shake as I ran my hand up his back.

"I can't do this Astoria, but I can't lose you and my mother." His voice cracked and I tried to pull him closer. I ran my hands up into his hair and tried to remember how to speak. It felt like hours we stood there, both shaking and so afraid before Draco started pulling away. "I don't want to be like him."

"Draco, you will never be your father."


End file.
